The film is about a hermit named Felix Bush, played by Robert Duvall, who realizes his days are numbered and decides to buy himself a funeral party. The head of the funeral parlor, Frank, a hilarious Bill Murrey, is eager to take Felix up because his business is failing. (How does a funeral parlor come to be failing? questions Frank) What follows, I won't spoil. Watch the movie. It's a very thought provoking tail about penance and forgiveness. Because of a shameful act he committed, Felix locks himself away from the world for 40 years. He says he didn't want forgiveness, he wanted "to be sick from it."
The conversation after the film was very interesting too. One point that was brought up that I want to contend, is that if Felix could have forgiven himself, he might have been able to get on with his life and do great things.
I don't think a person can forgive himself. How do you even do that? "Self, I forgive me!" Is that really going to work. The thing is, I don't think forgiveness is something you can do for yourself. The wronged party has to forgive you.
I listen to John MacArthur sermons from time to time and one of them was on Christians doubting their salvation because they don't feel forgiven. As MacArthur puts it, the reason we may not feel forgiven is because our conscience has been violated. The conscience, he says, only tells us right from wrong. It knows nothing of forgiveness, or mercy, or reconciliation. While God, through Jesus as forgiven all sins, our conscience simply tells us when we've sinned. I think this applies to Felix Bush. He did something wrong and his conscience won't let him forget it. And he can't tell his conscience to stop punishing him, can he? That's what the conscience does. So in order to be free of what he did, he had to confess what he did and ask forgiveness. By and large, the towns people don't seem to care and just move on. But the woman whom he indirectly hurt by his act does seem to forgive him, and that's what seems to set him free.
DISCLAIMER: This ended up being WAY longer of a response than I anticipated. My apologies for bloviating in any way. The truth is, I started writing, and when I finished, I realized I practically wrote a book. You can skip it if you'd like. :)
ReplyDeleteI think you pose some interesting points regarding the forgiveness of one's self. I am inclined to disagree with your initial reasons, though that is because I feel my idea of self-forgiveness differs from yours.
Here's why...
In order to forgive someone, you release them from worry of judgment and/or some form of casting out of your presence. You're saying, "You did this, but I'm going to overlook it and keep you here with me, in my good graces." This does not account for the consequences the offender would subsequently endure, though. You can forgive and dole out consequences all the same, as they are distinctly separate from each other. Think of the father who spanks his child after breaking a window due to something children are won't to do. There is no doubt that the father (if he is good) will of course forgive his child, but there is still a (sometimes) necessary consequence to be dealt.
"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."
Now, I give that background because how we deal with others is often a reflection of how we deal with ourselves, for better or worse.
It is possible to punish one's self for various actions, as we see people do that every day in various manners. Now, if it is therefore possible to do such a thing, it would then make sense that one could forgive themselves as well.
Here's how I view it...
Shame.
We shame ourselves into believing certain things. Felix did this for his atrocious act. He shamed himself into believing that he should no longer be a part of society. Shame comes from within ourselves, but can also be fed from outside sources, be it family, friends, the devil, etc.
I have shamed myself into believing countless lies about myself, and over the years, I have learned to remove that shame. I'm not talking about guilt, for there is a difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is good. It shows that we understand the wrong of our actions, and that something must be done to make it right. Shame, on the other hands, goes to the extreme of self-pity and hatred.
We don't DESERVE forgiveness (ultimately, this is true, but we take it too far), therefore, we are terrible, horrible creatures who serve little purpose other than to screw things up.
Obviously that's an extreme example, but I believe within it are contained truths applicable to everyone. I have felt them and spoken them to myself numerous times.
It is in the casting out of these thoughts and ideas that one forgives one's self. By choosing to no longer allow the mistake to define WHO you are, you are allowing the freedom that comes through the grace of God to permeate all that you are, even your self-perception.
That, I believe, is what it means to forgive yourself.
^ yes!
ReplyDeleteUsually, my words don't end up as articulate as I want. I wasn't talking about shame or self-pity. Those, with time, can be recovered from. But guilt is another story. How does one remove the guilt of past act? If I hurt someone, they can forgive me and that would help a lot. But still, my conscience will still remind me of what I did, that it was wrong, and I might have twinges of guilt. I do think Felix went over the top with his guilt. If he had sought forgiveness from the start, his pain may have been more manageable, but his conscience would have still burdened him about it. Because we can't stop our conscience from punishing us. I think a guilty conscience takes time to heal. Still, I think forgiveness should have been sought by Felix earlier.
ReplyDelete