I am hesitant to write a post about my own book after I have just gotten back from a wonderful weekend with our fabulous upper class man and after viewing some awesome work at the children’s film festival this weekend. In a sense shouldn’t good work make you think about the stuff you are dishing out??? I don’t want to pump out some guilt induced post about the films we watched. It really wouldn’t do them justice! One thing I will say, “Watch more foreign films!”
This past summer I “finished” a project that I have been working on for the past six years. Since I was twelve years old. When I first started writing it way back when in longhand I wasn’t writing it for a specific reason. It was a good idea that I was excited about and I didn’t have anything better to do with my summer.
But as the years past it became it grew to be something more in my warped 13 -year old mind. It became a job. Like a “I have to do this for Jesus or….”
I don’t know why I thought this way. In a way I still do think this way. For some reason the whole concept of grace can sometimes get lost in my mind. But that is another story. I think I got the whole job mentality because there wasn’t much else I did besides write. Both in choice and in just natural ability. J
The weird thing was, when I actually would sit down and write, that was sacred. Long hours in front of a laptop editing were….pure. I might have been comparing myself too much to another teen author I new….and by might be I mean yes I was!!! Almost shamelessly!
So because of this, the end result of the book had to meet certain productive means. What they were exactly I didn’t ever knew but essentially it had to be raised up as this great Christian tool of evangelism. Which to a shy, awkward 14 year old is both terrifying and a prospect to good to be true. Recognition for something! Let me on board!
But I thank God that this whole weird post-production phase wasn’t very present in those long, sweet, quiet nights of production.
As my spirit grew and has God formed it, so did Jesse. I had this really sappy come to Jesus part in my book and I can’t believe it made my Grandma cry. Unless they were tears of pain. But as I grew that part became more and more believable. This is a trilogy, so they way it is now she doesn’t even come to God in the first one. In fact in the last chapter she ends up screaming “God where are you!”
My heart screamed that many many times in those six years. Funny how the way it is now is the most honest and almost fragile with my protagonist’s broken heart. I mean the poor girl she is from a broken and abusive family, something I thank God I was not a part of. So why am I writing about it? I honestly have no clue. Maybe God can tell you. I sure can’t.
The next part I have to say is equally hilarious and bizarre. I would like to say I have gotten over myself in these past six years, but I haven’t. In some ways I am probably worse. I still am working on letting God alone satisfy me instead of some whimsical pleasure. So this past summer my book got….sigh.....self-published. Ewww! Gross! Okay! There I said it! I feel better. Now most people are viewing this as a positive thing. And it is. Even the influence of Divine interference is suspicious in this whole bizarre process. But to me, its not that I don’t believe in this story, because I do. Jesse, is me. What can I say. I don’t know how but she is.
Soooo....where do we find this book of yours Rachel? Can you send out a link?
ReplyDeleteWelll..... It isn't posted online for free, there's a link where you can buy it but the one thing I have been doing for marketing is trying very hard that friends who are interested don't pay. I do actually have a few hard copies at college with me.....which I suppose has implications of its own.
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